Elisabeth Kubler-Ross introduced the “five stages of grief” in her book On Death and Dying in 1969. The five stages are:
Denial: “This can’t be happening to me.”
Anger: “Why is this happening? Who is to blame?
Bargaining: “Make this not happen, and in return I will….”
Depression: “I’m too sad to do anything.”
Acceptance: “I’m at peace with what happened.”
Not everyone goes through these stages. Kuber-Ross said, “They were never meant to help tuck messy emotions into neat packages.” They are simply responses to loss that many people have experienced. Our grieving is always individual.
The loss of a loved one affects each of us in different ways. The important thing to remember is that almost anything you experience in the early stages of grief is normal—including feeling like you’re living a bad dream, or going crazy, or questioning your faith or spiritual beliefs.
The most universal symptom of grief is sadness. Feelings of emptiness, despair, an abundance of tears, and feeling emotionally unstable, are typical. Grief also involves physical problems—fatigue, lack of appetite, weight loss, etc. All of these reactions are natural. We will heal in time….
But, in the meantime, there is GRIEF. There is an empty chair in my Garden Room. Another chair at the dining room table is empty now. Every photo of my daughter Rachel reminds me of what was and is no more. That’s what everyone who has lost a loved one is handling within. Our task is to be aware of that person’s loss, to respect it, and share in it if we can.
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