The Fires of Disappointment

M. Scott Peck’s first words in his book, A Road Less Traveled (A New Psychology of Love, Traditional Values and Spiritual Growth) were  “Life is difficult. This is a great truth, one of the greatest truths. It is a great truth because once we truly see this truth, we transcend it. Once we truly know that life is difficult—once we truly understand and accept it—then life is no longer difficult. Because once it is accepted, the fact that life is difficult no longer matters.” We all knew this “great truth,” but we needed someone like Peck to articulate it for us.

Life is difficult.  Life is not an easy trek.  To be more specific, life is made difficult by the fires of disappointment through which we all must pass.  I suppose there are some who have never been disappointed—but I’ve never met nor am I acquainted with any persons who make that claim. Disappointment is defined as “the feeling of sadness or displeasure caused by the nonfulfillment of one’s hopes or expectations.”  (Synonyms include words like regret, dismay, sorrow, heavy-heartedness, chagrin, dispiritedness).

Alexander Pope suggested that those who expect nothing will be blessed, for they shall never be disappointed.  I think he had it right. We feel disappointed when something we’ve hoped for or expected doesn’t happen.  I remember being disappointed at the age of five when I didn’t find what I expected to find under the Christmas tree.   Since then the fires of disappointment have multiplied—because I have always had great expectations—and still do!  If I could settle for “whatever” and expect nothing from myself, others, or the world-at-large, I’d probably not experience the fires of disappointment as much as I do!

Disappointment is sadness, and it is frustration, and it does bring tears, and it does mean suffering.  But that does not make disappointment a bad thing, or something a religious person should not experience. The fact is, the religious person experiences the fires of disappointment more than the irreligious who have no expectations of the “Love at the Heart of All Things.” Disappointment is life and life is difficult and any one who is really alive experiences it.  The fires of disappointment are everywhere and anywhere where expectations exist—and I know this, and I try to understand it, and accept it.  The one thing I must not, and will not do to suppress, ignore, eliminate or smother the fires of disappointment from my life is to lower my expectations.

I expect the bud to break forth in full blossom.
If it doesn't I'll be disappointed.