“Just Walk With Me”

How do I, how do you, respond to a bereaved or troubled friend? Yesterday I received a call from a friend whose husband died suddenly a week or so ago. I hope I “just walked with her” in that phone call. Some years ago I read the following which helped me and may help you to just walk with another person in the midst of their trials and tribulations.

“I have a problem.  I want to tell you about it.  No, I really don’t.  I’d rather keep it to myself, handle it alone.  I do think it would be good for me to share it with you, though.  I don’t want to because I’m afraid of what you’ll say and how you’ll act.

I’m afraid you might feel sorry for me in a way that makes me feel pathetic.  Like I’m some ‘poor thing.’  I’m afraid you’ll try to cheer me up.  That you will give me words, or texts or prayers that tell me in a subtle way to stop feeling bad.  If you do that I’ll feel worse.  I’ll feel you don’t understand.  I’ll feel you are making light of my problem (as if it can be brushed away with some brief words of cheer).  I’m afraid you’ll give me some answer.  That this problem I’ve been wrestling with for some time now and about which I have thought endless thoughts will be belittled.  You can answer in a half-minute what I’ve struggled with for weeks?  I’m afraid also you might ignore my problem; talk quickly about other things, tell me your own.  

What I’d really like is if you would  ‘just walk with me.’  Listen as I begin in some blundering, clumsy way to break through my fearfulness of being exposed as weak.  Hold my hand and pull me gently as I falter and begin to draw back.  Say a word; make a motion, or a sound that says, ‘I’m with you.’  If you’ve been where I am tell me how you felt in a way that I can know you’re trying to walk with me—not change me.  

But I’m afraid…you’ll think I’m too weak to deserve respect and responsibility…You’ll explain what’s happening to me with labels and interpretations…Or you’ll ask me, ‘What ‘ya going to do about it?’

Please, just walk with me.  All those other things seem so much brighter and sharper, smarter and expert.  But what really takes Love is to ‘Just Walk with Me.’”